In self-doubt and denial, I doubt that this post will be made public.
So my biggest enemy is myself. I do not value my self highly, I have self doubt when setting out to do something, I procrastinate, I give up too easily, I put things off, I never fully commit, I find something else better today, I over think and over plan, I lack motivation, I do too much research, I constantly have brain fog when I need to be doing something, I have bad days just when I’m looking forward to something, I have depression, I’m pretty sure I have anxiety, my dyslexia gets in the way, my hypothyroidism is stopping me, I… well I make excuses.
There is so much that I would like to do, things like writing a blog, doing more photography which means I also need to get out of the house. I would like to draw more, I would like to try and make videos, leather craft and wire sculptures.
These nice ideas fall down because I do not feel comfortable doing them for what ever reason, I look at other people work and think “I will never be as good”. These thoughts are so ingrained in me now that even when I know that we all start somewhere, learn and get better, I still feel down hearted.
Even starting and writing for this blog, this blog post, I feel like my posts are not good enough, that no-one will read them. I find it difficult to come up with ideas and write them.
I am changing all of this!
The two things that I am pretty determined todo this year is to get into a habit of writing blog posts. I’m not bothered what about, if it is something I find, feel and need to write about I will! Short or long, if people read the posts or not. I just want to write, get better and find my voice.
The other thing I and determined todo is work through my goals for this year to help get my life going again and out of this rut!
Does anyone else feel like this or been through this? Please comment below or find me on Twitter.