As someone that got brought up in a Christian family and country, naturally my mind had been filled with the Christian beliefs of God, Jesus, Easter and Christmas. Even though my family are not “practitioners” of the faith, where ever we turn the religion is there. I imagine no different in countries that are majority of other believes.
When I was a child I never questioned and in truth invested into religion. It was all there was then. It wasn’t until my faith got tested when I was around 10. My friend had died tragically and I turned to religion to find comfort and answers. Granted asking God to bring my friend back was never going to happen, however other things I asked help for God never answered.
I lost faith, but was curios in what other religions believed in.
Space Wolves and Runes
By the times GCSE’s was upon me I was starting to see the failure of Christianity. It was around this time my sister got me the Warhammer 40,000 novel Space Wolf by William King. I was collecting the models at the time, although my decision on an army was all over the place.
This book changed that, the Space Wolf army was what I was looking for. I then started looking into the whole Viking and Celtic side of this army. There was Gods! More than one! The runes was magical!
I admit, as a 15 year old I was overwhelmed in understanding half of this by my self.
The year later I got given glass rune stones and a guide book for Christmas (seeing slight irony now). I naively practiced rune casting and picking a daily rune. I tried to interpret the meanings and on the most part it was relevant.
I had more answers from this heathenry than God ever gave me…
However that Christian raised voice said this is sinful!
The thoughts of Runes, Space Wolves and more the God Tyr (who’s day I was born on, Tuesday), have always stayed with me.
My friend in school was a Jehovah’s Witness. Despite what is said of them I never had a problem with the family or religion. I asked questions now and them and admittedly I started to got to their meetings to learn more. I found out through me own research that a lot of what I got taught as a child wasn’t true.
It came to a point that it was a dive in or jump out situation. I thought hard about it and I found that yes I believe that there was something more than myself out there, this God though was not it.
I honour and respect everyone’s believes, I enjoy learning about them.
For years since then I have been in limbo spiritually. Torn between logically there does not seem to be a higher being, or at least not one that shows face, and there is so much unexplained about our existence to say there is not anything at all.
The last few years Buddhism along with minimalism has been an interest. Although it is not strictly a religion but a way of life.
In a way I have found calmness with this venture. It has taught me that I have got more than I need or want and as such I have started to reduce my things down.
Although I do like the teaching within Buddhism that I will keep learning and bring with me, I have found it isn’t the answer that I have been looking for.
The Gods have been speaking.
2020 for everyone was hellish, for me it seen the illness and sadly death of my Grandfather. This year has seen our family in limbo not only in mourning but an overwhelming amount of things have been happening thanks to Covid-19.
December has brought a few realisations for me. One important one being my spirituality. I’ve come to realise (and is an interpretation “looking for” thing) that Odin has been sending me hints. Not with his favoured Crows, with their smaller cousins the Jackdaws. When lost in thought two always show up at the right time. There is a Rook that lives near by, he cry’s out when my thoughts have been turning darker.
Then a few weeks ago I found a Tiktoker called AHeathensRaid. She does rune readings, the first one that come on my for you page was about judging myself too harshly, to look at what I have achieved with a last note from Tyr.
I have battled enough. Remember, you’re your best lover… not your own enemy.
These words to me was what I needed and in a way delivered by Tyr.
I have started to look more into Norse Paganism these last few weeks again unlike Christianity or Buddhism is has felt homely. I have a lot to learn about the Gods, religious events and what it all means for me, but it excites me and I’m happy for that.
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